Back Among The Living (Well Sorta...)

First of all, thank you all for your support, encouragement, and condolences during this period of horrible sickness and great (relative) sadness in my running life. Admittedly, I didn't know so many people knew or even cared that I was running NJM. Now that I know, it makes me even sadder that I won't be able to at least try to fulfill the expectations that many of you had for me for this goal race. It's an absolute bummer that not only have I failed myself this week, I failed you all as well :( But before I allow this post degrade into a diatribe of self-pity and despair, just know that I'm absolutely positive that the decision to withdraw was absolutely the right one for me (you'll see why in a little bit) and I will be throwing my hat back into the ring a little sooner than some of you may think. All I need is a little bit of time both to recover and to plot my revenge. More on that in a future post.

As for my physical self, I'm happy to report that for the first time yesterday, I was back among the living. I was able to stay out of bed for the whole day, had no fever or chills for 24 hours, and went back to work to take care of the really sick in my normal capacity. Yay for me! This last task for me for key because I actually got to see two new, challenging and interesting patients in my hospital clinic session yesterday. One was a college student with an unusual thyroid mass (a particular interest of mine) that no previous doctor that had seen her knew what it was or what to do with, and the other was a previously "heavy-set" teenager who took up cross-country over the winter, became "sort-a" (her words) vegetarian, lost 25 pounds as well as her periods. I was so fascinated by the running story of the latter patient that I think I might have spent more time talking about that then about the family's primary concern, which is that she hasn't had a period in 9 months! That's okay though, she's coming back to see me again in a couple of weeks with lab results and a ultrasound report. Hopefully by then I'll figure out a good treatment plan for her because my initial instinct to recommend cutting out running and resuming old dietary habits won't sit well with her, her parents or me! There's gotta be a better solution! (Maybe I'll devote a future post to elicit suggestions and comments opinions so you all can be virtual doctors to help improve her care!)

Despite my triumphant return to the workforce, I knew that I couldn't officially consider myself "back among the living" until I was back to where I am personally most comfortable - exploring the park trails next to the lake and the soccer fields and the sunbathers with a sense of swiftness generated by the power of my own two feet. So despite a long day of work and the setting sun fading towards the horizon, I quickly changed after coming home and set off for my first run of the week. (If you didn't catch that last phrase, go ahead and re-read again.)

Yes, it had been five days since my last run. Yes, I expected my body and my legs to be rusty. What I didn't expect though was the body part that would have the most difficulty on this run was MY LUNGS. Seriously, guys and girls. For the first two or three miles, I felt like I couldn't take fast enough or deep enough breaths to sustain anything faster than 8 min/mi pace. I was breathing so hard and running so slowly that I was sweaty and exhausted just trying to calm down my breathing after two miles. I knew I probably suffered a combo of bronchitis/viral pneumonia as a component of my flu-like illness but still, having to take two breaths for every stride felt completely ridiculous to me. I felt sorry for the sunbathers and the soccer players who had the misfortune of watching me curse my body as I labor-breathed around the park. I seriously wanted to quit, go home, climb back into bed and chalk up running as an experiment for the younger kids. Luckily, I remembered my cross-country patient from earlier in the day, you guys and this unfinished business I have with a certain marathon time goal and forced myself to continue running. My breathing eventually got easier, my legs got looser and by the end of my six miler, my average pace for the run resembled a slow recovery pace from months prior instead of a disgrace to my running log. Thank goodness for that.

I am also thankful that my marathon death was declared two days ago because there is no imaginable way for me to ask this zombie of a former marathon body that couldn't even suck up for 6 at a recovery pace to walk much less run for 26.2. And I'm a guy with a pretty wild imagination! Yeah, not gonna happen. That is exactly why I know, even though I've never done it before, the decision to defer this time around was the right one for me. Sometimes you just gotta know when to hold and when to fold, ya know.

Anyway, to all those who are racing NJM (or elsewhere), have fun, be safe, and crush a PR while you're at it for me, won't ya? To everyone else, have an awesome weekend and thanks again for all of your kind words this past week!

This running and blogging community ROCKS! Just sayin'!

An Exercise In FutulityIn Review of My 20 Mile Long Run

Everyone knows that the hallmark of marathon training is the long run, and because most marathon training plans schedule 20 milers as the longest of the long run, they serve an important role not only in preparing the runner physically and mentally for the grueling distance, but they serve as benchmarks for assessing the stamina, speed, and fitness level of the marathoner during training.

I ran a scheduled 20-miler today, my first in preparation for the San Fran Marathon in early August. And if it really was meant to be a preview of how I am going to do in the race, I should just cancel my hotel reservation, re-book a continuing flight to Hawaii, and auction off my race number on Craig’s List, because let me tell you, it was bad. No, it was worse than bad. It was horrible. So horrible in fact that I wanted to disqualify myself from the course so many times for taking so many intentional and unintentional walk breaks (including a six minute interlude at Mile 12…what the heck was that?…The intermission at Phantom Of The Opera is hardly even that long!) I probably would have too if I wasn’t so far away from home. My pace was a joke (I was beaten by a five-year-old running with his dad at mile 17!), my form was terrible, and I was swerving so much from side to side on the narrow running path that I tripped a traffic cop as I was crossing the street. (Yeah, she probably could’ve given me a ticket for that!) About the only thing I give myself credit for (enough to warrant a SMALL size Jamba Juice drink afterwards) is showing persistence in finishing the distance, even in as sorry a state as I was.

Ordinarily, I would think of a thousand and one excuses that were beyond my control to justify my lackluster performance today. But last I checked, excuses don’t train or inspire people to run marathons. So in an effort to embarrass myself and educate my readers on what NOT to do in your long runs, I’m going to go through all the mistakes I made on my run today. As you will soon see, in retrospect, my long run was doomed for failure even before it started.

Mistakes I Made On My Long Run (Gosh, this is starting to sound like a bad grade school homework assignment…)

1. I drank too much alcohol the night before. Yes guys, I admit. I broke the cardinal rule and I should have known better. Seriously though, this one couldn’t be helped. I was out with a lady friend last night and had a margarita over dinner. Then we decided to go to a comedy club which had a two drink minimum. So what was I supposed to do? Hmmm…maybe I could’ve washed it away with 6 glasses of water afterwards like I intended, but forgot…which brings me to the next point…
2. I didn’t carbo-load or hydrate well the night before. I normally make extra effort to eat and drink well for the couple of days leading up to my long run. This weekend though was somewhat hectic for me and I got distracted from my routine.
3. I went to sleep at about the time I wanted to wake up. Well, not exactly that late but close enough. I can’t believe I told more than a few people the day before that if they wanted to run with me they’d have to get up extra early so we could beat the heat, and then I find myself not sleeping ‘til 2AM last night. It’d be understandable if I had company or I was doing something productive, but I wasn’t! I was web surfing, checking out new music, and doing other mindless activities that I should not be doing at that hour.
4. I started my long run on an 80-degree sunny day at 2pm. As a direct result of my previous transgression, I didn’t get up until around 10am. By that time, the sun was already blazing and I got sweaty just walking down the block to grab breakfast. When it got back, I told myself that I’d wait for around 4 or 5 to start the run so as to escape the heat. After lunch however, I got bored, then had the bright idea that I’d start the run early so I could be home in time for dinner. Yeah, I’m that impulsive and crazy.
5. I selected a new and unfamiliar course for my 20-miler. After I decided to run, I think I became delirious because instead of choosing to run loops around the park like I’ve done on all my 20-milers the previous years, I decided I’d map out and run a completely new course, one that started at the Lower East Side of Manhattan, around the tip of the island, up the west side then back into Central Park for the finish. Oh, and as if that wasn’t enough, I decided that I’d run on the Williamsburg bridge over to Brooklyn and back, for “hill training” purposes.
6. I ran a new and unfamiliar course caring too much about time. Then, while running on said bridge, I fought hard to maintain an arbitrarily determined minimum pace. As a result, I allowed my heart rate to drift into the 170s, which is squarely in the middle of my TEMPO range. Needless to say, I was somewhat wiped out by the time I was done with the bridge at mile 6.
7. I ran a course with too many mandatory stops. Unfortunately, the tip of Manhattan is a little crowded on Sundays at 3pm. (You think I would have known that having lived here for more than 20 years!) There were lots of cars on the roads too. As a result, there were a lot of stop-and-gos. In the first few miles, it wasn’t so much of a problem. But by the later miles, when you’re fighting hard to keep the legs moving, a traffic light stop every mile or so is extremely hazardous. That’s how I got suckered in to taking a 6 minute walk break at mile 12.
8. I did not paying attention to my heart rate during the run. Why am I wearing a heart rate monitor if I’m not going to look at it while I’m running? I was average 160s for the ENTIRE duration of the run. At times even after the bridge run, it drifted into the 170s. Wow! No wonder I was exhausted. My normal long run range is 145-159. I can’t explain why that discrepancy didn’t register with me even as I was having so much trouble keeping what I thought was a slow pace.
9. I went into the run without having a clear hydration plan…WHAT HYDRATION PLAN…exactly! Because again, it was a new course, I didn’t have a clue where the water fountains or drink stands were along the course. In my mind, I thought I could just wing it and find water whenever I needed it. In actuality, it wasn’t the fact that there wasn’t enough water fountains on the course that killed me, it was the fact that I had to fill up every time I saw one not knowing the distance to the next one.
10. I guess, if I had to sum up all my mistakes in three simple words, it’d be DIS-RESPECTING THE DISTANCE!!! I was not prepared physically or mentally for the task at hand and it completely blindsided me.

So, my dear readers, please do not let my embarrassing effort on the roads today go down in vain. Learn from my mistakes so that you don’t end up running and feeling like crap like I do right now. As you should all know by know, I’m all about the education process! (Actually, I think I’m feeling better now that I’ve gotten the chance to get everything off my chest…) Either way, treat the long runs, especially the really really long runs with respect and deference because they really are a microcosm of the race itself. Now, if someone can remind me of all this before my next 20-miler in a month, that’d be so super!

Talking to Intensivists and Stupid Things I Still Do While Running

Don’t have time for a long post today. I’ve got a date with some intensivists tomorrow. Although I have total word crush (ding ding ding) for their job description, this date isn’t really for me. It’s for some unfortunate kid with a hormone problem who might come under their care. Yeah, I’ve been suckered invited to give them a talk on how best not to kill my patients. For those who don’t know what intensivists are, they’re the doctors in charge of the intensive care unit. They work with the most damaged, most catastrophic, and sickest kids, in one of the busiest parts of the hospital. Kids get shipped in whenever there’s a crisis and get shipped right back out once they do their thing and the danger is over. God bless their souls for what they do, but as a direct result of their job description, they are a very intense bunch of individuals. And tomorrow, I’m supposed to give them a talk on my area of expertise, which is anything but intense, life-changing, or emergent. If I had to draw a comparison, it’d be a little like walking into the first corral at the next roadrace and finding yourself next to Dathan Ritzenheim, Ryan Hall, and Brian Sells. Yeah, that’s how I’ll feel at about 10:30AM tomorrow morning.

But I did have some running related thoughts that I wanted to leave you all with. Since I haven’t had a chance to experience my shades yet because of the horrendously bad weather we’ve been having lately, I had ALOT of time to reflect on the stupid newbie mistakes I still make in my running. Although I like to admit my faults almost as much as I like prepare this talk for the intensivists, I’m sharing my shortcomings for three main reasons. 1) So you can laugh at me; 2) So you can laugh at me while secretly thinking, Damn, I do the same thing! and 3) So you can laugh at me for doing something stupid AND admitting my stupidity…which is stupid² (Gosh, I hope NOBODY that attends my lecture tomorrow reads this!)

So without further ado, here’s my list of STUPID THINGS I STILL DO WHILE RUNNING:

1. Forget to double-knot shoelaces before a race.

2. Running too fast and too far to the left approaching a water station.

3. Going out for a 16 mile long run on an empty stomach and without any gel packs.

4. Having knee pain but still refusing to throw away running shoes with no treads on them.

5. Responding to a new runner all happy with his 6 miler with “Yeah…I ran 16 miles today too…”

How embarrassing! If I repeat any of these mistakes in the future, please kindly remind me to return my trifecta garb and ask for a refund!

Time To Celebrate: Results, Revelations, and Other Congratulatory Stuff

Hey All! I thought we’d start off today’s post with a little Kool & The Gang. Hit it Boys!

Kool & The Gang - Celebration
Uploaded by Kool-and-the-Gang

Welcome everyone to my party! Please feel free to grab your favorite beverage, get comfortable and be prepared to be enlightened and entertained. By now, you must be asking yourself, What’s the cause for all this hoop-la, Laminator? Well, let’s run through some possibilities…

1. Are we celebrating the fact that you ran and PR’d in the Long Branch Half Marathon last weekend? It’s a great achievement and all, but after dedicating two full posts to the race and receiving more congratulatory responses than I think I deserve, even the fat lady has sung and left the stage, so I think it’s time to move on.

2. Are we celebrating your fantastic run in the virtual 10K last night with a finishing time of 40:44? Hmmm, it’s a thought. But since my dear friend Nitmos has already cleared away the competition for me by using reverse psychology to convince everyone else that fat is good two days before the race [read his conniving plan here], and no one actually saw me cross the finish line except some electrons in a piece of plastic (referred to as Garmin in some eclectic circles), I feel slightly less deserving of any accolades that the friendly race director may bestow upon me.

3. Okay, then maybe we’re celebrating the fact that you finally found an elite running group (called the New York Flyers – what a cool name, huh?!) that had such low standards to accept you as one of its members. Now you’re getting warm. I will have more to say about this in a later post, but it’s refreshing to find that an organized running group in NYC where running fast is the norm more than an anomaly, thinks I don’t suck so bad as a runner to welcome me into its ranks. Maybe we can have a party to celebrate this achievement when I’ve actually contributed something to this collection of great runners. To start whooping and hollering a week into trial membership is a little too premature. Maybe they’ll kick me out once they discover that I have major stage fright at big races.

4. Maybe it’s for a non-running related reason then? We could celebrate the fact that you passed your final board exam (referred to in this post) and can now pass as a Board Certified Pediatric Endocrinologist (minus the whole crazy running thing because no board certified anything would in their right mind run as much as you do). Yeah, I guess we could have a party for that, but it’s more like a release of unnecessary stress than a cause of celebration for me because after all the training I’ve been through, I’m SUPPOSED to pass my boards. If I don’t pass, then what they’re essentially saying is that you’re just too dumb and shouldn’t be in this profession in the first place. So, no, can’t bring myself to celebrate that. Maybe I’ll get a Jumba Juice milkshake, but that’s about it.

Okay, we officially give up, Laminator. Besides, half your guests are already gone. So what the heck are we celebrating?

We’re HAVING A PARTY (could’ve posted another video here) because THIS (drumrolls please…) IS (drumrolls getting louder) MY (confetti coming down…wait, that’s tissue paper, not confetti…) 100TH POST!!! That’s right, people. You’ve made it to the 100th post of this silly little reformation project. It’s been a long time coming, and I can’t believe that I’ve got readers even though I don’t proofread half as well as I write, and I don’t write half as well as I run, and I run, well, not that particularly well at all. (Don’t complain, some freak of nature 49-year-old beat me in the half marathon by more than two and a half minutes!) Still, I’m honored to have so much company on my journey. Thanks everyone for taking the time to come by to read my ill-formed thoughts, laugh at my jokes, poke fun at my insecurities, and generally convince me I’m fast even though I’m not. I started this thing way back in August of last year, on my 32nd birthday, as a reminder to myself why I have to go out there everyday even when I don’t feel like it. Slowly, over the past 100 posts, it has evolved into something so much more, a conversation between like-minded friends, sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes funny, and sometimes sad (I know it’s corny…but it’s true). I’m grateful to have “virtually” met so many of you runners out there, who inspire and challenge me to be better than what I thought I was capable of. And to the lurkers of my blog out there who’ve chosen to remain invisible (including some guy from Japan who’s been visiting everyday since this blog has started) I just have one thing to say...Don’t trespass if you ain’t gonna help mow the grass! Yes, you heard right. Consider yourselves warned.

As for the rest of you, who I honestly don't know why you keep coming back, I have a little present for everyone in the form of some self-revelation. Ever since you started visiting, I know there’s been something that you’ve always wondered about, at one time or another, but were afraid to ask. Now to think of it, Vanilla over at Half-Fast might have verbalized it way back when, but truth be told, who listens to that guy anyways? So now I guess it’s as good a time as any to spill the beans. What’s up with your nickname, Laminator? Is your family in the stationery business? Do you have some weird fetish involving heat and machines that maybe we shouldn't know about?

Do not be led astray, my friends. The story of how I became known as the Laminator actually started a few years back in my pediatric residency. A little known fact about me (something I’m not very proud of even though others think I should be) is that I write with pristine penmanship. The reason that is is because when I was a little kid in the early years of elementary school, I wrote my letters so slanted and in such unrecognizable fashion that my teachers would always give me the minimum passing grade whenever we had a writing assignment because no one could actually figure out what it was that I was writing. As a result, over the summer between my third and fourth grade, I was forced by my parents to practice my penmanship by writing out the alphabets for an hour a day everyday for two months. They’d review my work at the end of each session and rip up the pages and make me redo them if they were in the least bit illegitable. After that exercise, I never had a problem with my penmanship ever again.

Over the years, my penmanship has improved to the point that everyone who’s ever seen me on paper always claim that I write better than anyone they know – male or female. Again, it is a reputation that I’m not so proud of because as a doctor, messy handwritten notes and illegitable prescriptions are associated with a certain prestige and class. I’ve tried on multiple occasions in the past to “mess up” my handwriting such to fool those who’d read my notes, but even with that, everyone always knew it was me because they say that even when I write messy, I’m so damn neat about it. Let me tell you people. It is very frustrating as all bloody hell!

So, the origin of my nickname traces back to one day in the hospital when all of us residents were sitting around a table writing notes on our patients. One of my colleagues notices an error on one of the notes that I had written the previous day. “Hey L-, you need to fix this. You wrote down the wrong medication in your note. The kid got Ceftazadime yesterday, not Ceftriaxone.” “So just cross it out and put the right one in,” I told her. “No, I can’t do that.” “Why not?” “Well, for one thing, it’s YOUR note, so YOU need to fix it. Secondly, you write so neat that my chicken-scratch sticks out like a sore thumb.” Someone else then chimed in. “Seriously, L-, your notes are so perfect that they should be laminated…” And that, my friends, is how the legend of the Laminator began. That, and because my last name is Lam, makes my nickname somewhat appropriate, I guess.

There you go. I hope you enjoyed the story because I am not ever going to repeat it again. (It’s funny how many friends I have who call me by that name without knowing exactly where it came from!) Thanks again for stopping by and celebrating with me!

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In other news, I ran my 10K yesterday for Nancy’s Virtual Club Run. I pushed it hard, but not so hard because I was still a little tired from my half-marathon last Sunday. I ran the big loop at Central Park and extended it a little bit to cover the distance. I once again started out too fast and let the rolling hills club me silly! Here were my splits: Mile 1 – 6:02; Mile 2 - 6:34; Mile 3 – 6:45; Mile 4 – 6:36; Mile 5 – 6:43; Mile 6 – 6:43; Last 0.2 – 1.20; Final Time – 40:44 (6:33 min/pace). Can you guess which mile time doesn’t belong (…in other words, Where’s Waldo?) I feel good about my time since I was running all by myself and still finished only 17 seconds slower than my PR. I didn’t see too much out of the ordinary out on the course today, just some guy I overheard ask his friend if he was running 6 minute miles when he was running more like 8 minute miles, and a wheelchair athlete who got squeezed and almost flew over the curb when a car and a bike were passing by him at the same time. Like I said, it was just a pretty ordinary day in the neighborhood.

I listened to Jeff and Alan’s recap of the Flying Pig Marathon as I ran this race and enjoyed every minute of it. I can’t believe they had a three-alarm fire the morning of the race and had to reroute the runners. Gosh, everyone knows how tough the last 0.2 of 26.2 is. Imagine having to do ANOTHER 0.2 on top of that?

Much thanks to our awesome virtual race director, Nancy, for galvanizing this running community and organizing yet another amazing race! Hope everyone had nice weather and a nice course for their 10K. I’m looking forward to reading everyone else’s race reports.

Coping With Embarrassment and A Retirement

It took more courage than I knew had today to put on my running shoes again after remembering the shame and humiliation I felt the last time I had them on. Okay, so maybe being “chicked” by a couple members of the opposite sex, having an older and probably more experienced runner question your readiness to run, and having a school child hand you a cup of water after your run would not qualify as public embarrassment to anyone outside my tiny egocentric world, but still, I couldn’t help feeling a little damaged, like milk that’s been left out of the fridge too long.

So today, I took every precaution to make sure there would be no repeat performance. First, I wanted patiently for the dark of night to settle before heading out. I figured if I can’t see them, and they can’t see me, I’d be safe. Then, instead of wearing bright and reflective clothing like you’re supposed to when it’s dark, I wore the darkest sweatshirt with the darkest sweatpants I could find…again, for the camouflage. Finally, I ran against the flow of traffic (clockwise around the park) so I could see every car, bike, pediatrian and whatever two or four-legged creature that’s trying to run me over. Also, I figured if I’m running against people instead of with them, I’d have no basis of judging their speed as compared to mine. Brilliant. Oh, and as a last bit of insurance, I ran the first mile at 7:23 (instead of 8:22, like last time) so I wouldn’t have any time pressure for the subsequent miles.

As a result of my extensive preparatory work, I finished my 4 mile run in a respectable 30:43 (7:33 min/mile), a full 1:25 faster than my run the last time. I was satisfied with my faster-but-not-quite-tempo run today. More importantly, my tormentors were either not around or did not see me in my perfect camouflage. My awesome plan worked, and allowed me to escape the park with my honor intact. Score one for the slightly sick and injured guy.

In other news, today I lost the last remaining artifact I had left from my last great running season. It had been with me, in my Queens half marathon PR; with me through the streets of NYC on the way to a BQ last fall; with me, even afterwards, when I PR’d at the Race To Deliver 4-miler. But when I got home after my run today and took off my socks, it was no longer there. My left big toenail, which had gotten progressively black throughout the race season last year, has suddenly and completely fallen off. I’d never had a nail spontaneously remove itself from my body like that before, so I had always assumed that when the thing became completely black, it was going to be that way forever, like a permanent stamp that marks me as a runner. So imagine my surprise, when I removed my sock after my run, and the whole nail just lifted off the skin like a dried up sticker. In its place was a clear small baby nail nubbin’ that I don’t really recognize.

Like Brett Favre, who officially announced his retirement from the NFL today, my big black toenail was a personal treasure and a sports icon that will always hold a special place in my heart. Rest well my friend. To you and Brett both.

The Next 4 Miles and A P.R. in Embarrassment

I scored another PR today. For my regular blog readers, I know what you’re thinking. Why, Mr. Laminator, isn’t this only your second run after your recent injury? Your second run in the past two months? Your second run this entire year? How’d you expect us to believe you ran fast enough to score a PR? Did you pick a run distance that is some unconventional fraction of a standard race distance just so you can claim that fact? No, no, no, my dear blog readers. My PR today was not of the positive nature that is implicit in its usage. My PR was actually an exercise in shame and humiliation. For today, for the first time in my running career, I suffered more embarrassing events from the beginning to the end of my run (6) than I actually ran in miles (4). Let me explain.

First of all, it’s taken me more than a week to get my second 4-miler in, because the day after my previous run, I developed high fevers, shakes, chills, chest pain, cough, headache…otherwise known as the flu. This particularly nasty variant wiped me out for rest of the week and this weekend, tying me to the bed for 20 hours of the day. I was feeling slightly better today and since it was fairly warm outside, I felt I owed it myself to get my next 4 miles in.

When I got to the park, I did some quick stretches and warm-ups and started running. That’s when the fun began. I hadn’t taken more than 10 steps when I realized that although the upper half of my lungs were clear, the bottom half were all congested, such that whenever I felt the need to take a deeper breath, I would have paroxysmal coughing fits that wouldn’t stop until I forced myself to take somewhat shallower breaths. I must have looked liked a wannabe running newbie out there because at one point, some old guy came up to me and said “Hey buddy, maybe you should give us a break and go see a doctor before you hurt yourself out here (Embarrassing Moment #1).” Although he might be right in a general sense, that was so so wrong on so many levels. I would’ve explained to him that I have both an M.D. and a B.Q. degree, but he was already long gone by the time I finished my coughing fit and had a sip of water. So, that’s how it went for the first half mile.

Luckily, my coughing subsided and my lungs became clearer by the end of that first mile. By then, I was trying to run at a comfortable pace, somewhere close to my pace from last week. For the next mile or so, I tried not to look at my Garmin, but just concentrated on maintaining a good form. Although mechanically, everything just felt a little off at the beginning of the run (even aside from the coughing fit), it was coming much better during the second mile. I thought I was moving well through all the rolling hills scattered along the west side of the Central Park Loop, until Embarrassing Moment #2 and #3 happened in rapid succession. Out of nowhere, this twenty-something girlie just ran right past me. Not only did she run past me, she was gone and out of sight within a minute. Wow, I thought, either that was Paula Radcliffe or I must be really out of it. No later than five minutes after that, so maybe a half-mile later, a lady pushing her baby in a jogging stroller also chicked me. That made me really really frustrated and upset. I know I’m sick, and I’m running slow, but c’mon this is ridiculous, even for me in this sorry state. So I couldn’t resist it any longer and checked my Garmin. I was shocked to see I had been running at 8:25 min/mile pace for the last 2+ miles. No wonder everyone and their grandmother is running past me. So I gritted my teeth, and sprinted the rest of the way back to the start. I manage to “savage” my terrible performance and finish my 4 miles (actually 4.06) in 32 minutes and 7 seconds for a 7:53 min/mile pace. Embarrassing Moment #4 was when I realized how I had to struggle just to run my worst time ever for a 4-Miler. Additionally, I was able to escape the dreaded 8 min pace only because of a 7:15 last mile. It probably wasn’t so smart to bust my tail so fast so early back, but the thought of me running more than a min/mile slower than I’ve ever had last year was just not acceptable for me.

My fast pace in the end did have a price though. After crossing the finish line, I passed out at the nearest park bench and couldn’t move for the next five minutes or so. I was feeling semi-nauseated, dizzy, and very out-of-sorts. It must have been disturbing for the little kids holding after-school running class in the Bridal Path next to me, because one of them brought over a cup of water from the fountain and handed it to me. It was a very sweet and nice gesture from him, no doubt, but definitely counts in my book at Embarrassing Moment #5.

Once I was able to make it upright again, stretched, and started the slow walk back to my apartment, I thought I was done with the shame and humiliation. Needless to say, I was wrong, because right in my mailbox, when I got home, was my personal copy of the “ING NYC Marathon 2007 Official Results Magazine”.

As I flipped through to page 92 and saw my name and BQ time in the 5^th page of the results section, I questioned whether it was actually me or a body double who ran such a spectacular time that day. I can’t really say my body recognizes that person anymore (Embarrassing Moment #6).

So there you have it. Six (count’em) six, embarrassing moments all happening around a four mile run. That’s one of the most impressive PRs I’ve ever seen. Wouldn’t you agree?