Running Beyond 26.2

For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a versatile runner. In my mind, the mark of a great runner was someone who was as equally proficient in short distance races as he or she is in the long ones. (Think Haile and Kara, who both excelled on the track before becoming world class marathoners). Indeed, one of the crowning achievements of the past year for me was getting PRs in the shortest of road races (5K, 4M) as well as in the longest, the marathon, in the same calendar year. To see some measure of success in both arenas in 2010 was thrilling and motivating and gave me hope that with some degree of dedication, passion, hard work, and luck, I may achieve even better results in the short and long distances in 2011.

Then December came, and with it, some rest and recovery, and slower long runs with friends and family and a laid-back trailish 10K on Christmas morning until suddenly I woke up one day a couple of weeks ago and found myself registering for a 50K...on trails no less! I'm not exactly sure why I decided to register for my first ultra that day. Maybe I was desperate for adventure. Maybe I was getting bored with base building and maintenance running. Maybe I just wanted to prove something to myself in a way that even a sub-3 marathon can't. Whatever the reason, I am scheduled to run the longest race of my life in the 50K version of the New Jersey Ultra Festival in mid-March. Holy crap, did I just admit to myself that I am crossing beyond the 26.2 threshold in hopes of becoming an ultramarathoner?

To many, what I call a "baby ultra" is nothing more than five miles beyond 26.2. To me though, it's a huge mental challenge as well as a physical one just to learn how to train properly for one of these. From what little I know so far, drawn from the knowledge and experience of those who've done a plethora of these and longer, I can already say that preparing for an ultra will be nothing like preparing for a marathon. For example,

In marathons, we eat gels and shot blocks.
In ultras, they eat chicken soup and PB&J sandwiches.

In marathons, we run on pavement and roads with thousands.
In ultras, they run on trails, mostly alone and cross rivers/streams.

In marathons, we run according to pace & measure training in miles.
In ultras, there is no set pace and training is measured in hours.

As you can see, I've got a lot to learn and practice in the next two months if I want to do well in this race. Biggest problem for me will be finding some longer distance trails to practice on. I see a lot of visits to the Central Park Bridle Path and Van Cortlandt Trails in my future!

I find it funny that a friend/teammate of mine thought I would be in danger of underestimating the distance when I first mentioned this race on a facebook post. In actuality, I'm been freaked out and scared and stressed beyond belief for the past week about this March trail run. I was so preoccupied with my race prep that I even had a vivid dream about it in my sleep a few nights back. In it, I was taking a PB&J break at an aid station during the race when Scott Jurek comes flying by from out of nowhere, whispers in my ear that "50Ks are A LOT of Ks" and takes off again. With the help of several friends, I was able to decipher the hidden dream message: Ditch the PB&J and go with Special K for the race!

Finally, I want to leave you all with this excerpt of a typical conversation between an ultramarathoner and his wife. Let's just say I'm glad I'm not married as I train for this 50K =)

Are you an ultramarathoner? If so, what are your secrets? Any good tips to share with a newbie like me? If not, why not? Has it enter piqued your interest? Is it a no for life or no just for now? As always, thanks in advance for all your tips, advice and suggestions.

Fifty Mile Weeks

Houston, we have a problem.

Well, it might be premature to call it a problem. It might be, it might not be. I'm not totally convinced it's a major concern, but just in case it is or should be, I trust you all will keep me in the know one way or the other.

It all started about four weeks ago when I was totaling up my weekly mileage, and found that I surpassed 50 miles for the first time in 2010. Given that I had "only" 46 scheduled for that week, and my first fifty mile week of 2009 didn't come til mid March, I thought it was pretty neat. At the time, I didn't think too much of it, until it happened again the following week. I ran mileage in the fifties even though the plan only had me scheduled in the forties. For some, this might be a cause for celebration. For me it was giant red flag because I know I tend to get fatigued and injured if I run too high mileage too early on in training. So I made a pact to myself to take some miles off and run lower and slower mileage. But despite my best intentions, for a third week in a row, I ran fifty miles, albeit at a slower pace. Part of it was because I did not incorporate warmup and cooldown miles for speedwork into my training plan. The bigger part of it was that I could not bring myself to stop at 48 or 49 miles for the week. The push for 50 was just too overwhelming, the pressure too great. That's when I became cautious. That's when I got scared. Could I be turning into a high mileage junkie? Am I physically addicted to the 50 mile week?

Seeing as I am a medical scientist, I tried to answer the question in as objective a manner as I could. I challenged myself with the hard questions and even found time to CAGE myself (For those not in the know, the CAGE questions are a set of four simple questions used to screen for physical dependence to alcohol) To be honest, I had a tough time providing answers and scored positive on all the CAGE questions (as it applied to running...) And when I once again found myself over the weekend not being able to stop at 14 miles when I've logged 35 for the week, I reached my verdict and announced my predicament with a limerick:

I have an addiction I must admit
The 50 mile week so hard to resist
I've done four so far, on tap so many more
I see miles even when asleep.

They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. But I really don't think there is a problem here, do you? Yes, I'm running many more miles than my legs ever bargained for and the mere thought of running less is enough to send my body into a panic attack, but as long as I get my run in first thing in the morning and last thing at night, it's not really all that bad. All I want is to log fifty miles for the week. Is that really too much to ask?

My Own Little Game of 20 Questions

First of all, I want to thank all you guys & gals for making it through that last race report and leaving such warm congratulations and nice comments for me. Sometimes I feel a little embarrassed spilling the beans on my races because I know some people cannot get over how fast I run (even if I don’t think I’m really all that fast myself!) and may regard my excessively detailed race reports as arrogance or overindulgence. But honestly though, I try to record the thoughts, sights, and sounds during my races for you all to show that even though our paces might not be the same, our experiences on the road are not entirely all that different. I hope that in between all the verbosity that sentiment came through at least a little bit, even if it was not explicitly stated.

Still, having said that, I’m sure there are probably so burning questions you have had at one point or another about me, my work, my life, my sports, or my running. Perhaps you’ve wanted to know when I started running (hint: it’s on my sidebar) or why I started running (to get fit for basketball season) or what I do in my professional life (I treat kids with hormone problems) or how I got that nickname “The Laminator” (read here). Or maybe it’s something completely random that I can’t even come up with…well, I am giving you all that once in a lifetime opportunity to ask me whatever you want be it about my running, my training, my coaching, my work or a running/training question that doesn’t even deal with me. Leave them in the comments, and once I get about twenty, I’ll compile them and answer them in a little expose’ post about me next week.

I’m looking for some fun and thought provoking questions. If you need some inspiration as to what questions to ask, listen to the latest Phedippidations episode where Steve Runner answers 20 questions about himself posed by his friend Joe Steindl. It was so highly insightful and entertaining, I decided to copy his format here for myself with all of your help of course!

So yes, let me know what you want to know about the Laminator and I’ll let you know all you’ve wanted to know about me early next week. Deal? Good. Let the fun begin!

Just Training or Over-Training?

In honor of the NYC marathon announcing bib numbers and starting assignments for its participants today (I'm Blue, Wave 1, #7444, for future reference), I summit to you…

Top Ten Signs That You’re Overtraining for Your Marathon

10. You’re more concerned about the miles you’ll miss than the throbbing pain in your foot.
9. You limp to work everyday and convince yourself and your co-workers that it’s completely okay.
8. You run 15 miles on a Monday but feel as if you should’ve done 20.
7. You start to envy those who are running and NOT training for a marathon.
6. The award for the most overused appliance in your home now goes to the washer & dryer.
5. You consume more calories from GU on a daily basis than you do from solid foods.
4. You know every detail of the lives of running podcasters but need a minute to remember the names of friends and family.
3. You know the planned mileage for the next 20 days but for the life of you can’t remember when you last took a rest day.
2. Even though your weekly mileage far exceed those of your peers, you still convince yourself (and any others who will listen) that you’re really “undertrained” for this marathon.
1. People can’t wait for race day because they’re so ready to run. You look forward to race day ‘cause you’re so ready to NOT!

…and in case you were wondering…this list is in fact somewhat autobiographical in nature. But I’m okay, I really really am!

Sickness Update and The Epitome of Embarrassment

First of all, thanks for all the supportive comments and encouraging words this past week. Words cannot describe how physically draining and emotionally exhausting these past five days have been for me. To think how this highly-trained and battled-tested runner’s body can transform so quickly to a giant puddle of inactive mush in a matter of a few hours is both humbling and frightening. The good news though, is that I’ve started to turn a corner and my body has shown signs over the past 24 hours that it is winning the war once again. Although I have very little objective data to support this hypothesis (since I’m stilling sneezing and coughing quite frequently), the return of subjective sub-3 ponderings for the big race is evidence enough for me that I can once again start getting excited for the big day…Yay!

But…before we get too far ahead of ourselves, let me go back and tell you about the funniest story that you might not have heard and won’t ever hear again (because I’d be too embarrassed to tell you)…so listen up, ‘cause I’m just recounting this story ONCE and never again!

Let me preface the story by saying that I generally hold myself in pretty high esteem when I go running in the local gym. Because I limit myself to using only the treadmill when I go there and since I usually run much faster than anyone around me (and must look pretty good doing it too if I have to say so myself) I feel like I’m at my element whenever I’m pounding out the miles on the conveyor belt. Also, whenever I’m there, I always make sure I’m running in a race-ready technical shirt so as to differentiate myself from the cotton wearing wannabe crowd who are mainly there just to check themselves out while doing some light cardio.

It was with a similar mindset that I entered the gym for my usual hard Tuesday workout. Although I was sick that day, with fever, chills, and paroxysmal coughing fits, I thought (stupidly in retrospect) that a hard workout would jump start the immune system and help to eliminate the virus at a faster rate.

The scheduled called for a tempo run of 5 miles at 6:19 pace. To be safe, I settled on running the first half at marathon pace (6:52) and then transitioning to tempo pace only if I felt comfortable. Because my legs hadn’t run in a couple of days and had not experienced speedwork in a week and a half, they were excited for the opportunity to run fast even if the rest of the body wasn’t. After setting the treadmill to include random inclines at a steady 6:50 pace, I started running. The pace felt hard and fast right from the outset. Although I fought to hold the breathing and heart rate to a comfortable level, it became almost impossible after 0.5 mile. As I was getting disappointed that I was slipping so soon, I puckered down, closed my eyes, and pleaded with the body to just hold on until the end of the mile. As soon as I did I felt the treadmill tilted upward. With my eyes closed, I couldn’t register what was happening so I instinctively told myself to keep the same effort as I opened my eyes in a panic. But before those neuronal impulses became coherent, I inexplicably found myself slipping farther and farther backwards until a second later I found myself running on carpet behind the treadmill! It took me nearly a second to realize that because I had forgotten about the random adjustable incline and because I did not increase my pace in response to that incline, I had just done the most embarrassing thing this side of faking the finish of a marathon – I ran off a treadmill in the middle of a crowded NYC gym. Omigosh! First thought in my head: There should be a giant caption bubble above my head right now with the words “Wanna get away?” Second thought in my head: Is there anyone around who isn’t looking at me right now? Third thought in my head: I’m wearing my San Fran marathon shirt...spectacular…what a shining example of a great marathon runner am I? I didn’t dare look around. But even above the loud ambience of the hundreds of treadmills in operation in that same room and my own headphones pumping out tunes into my ears, I could still hear the muffled giggles and feel the laser stares of a thousand eyes straight on my back. It truly had to be one of the lowest points of my running life!

Somehow, despite the whole fiasco, I had the whereabouts to jump back on the treadmill and power down the machine to a more meaningful speed. I then proceeded to run at that same pedestrian speed for thirty minutes, or as long a period of time as I thought it would take for the rest of the gym to turn over. During that entire time, I didn’t look up, but stared at the flickering red digits on the display until time was up. The funny thing about that run was that I ran so slowly and so evenly that for a long time during it, I forgot that I was still sick. No matter though, the trauma for that night had already been done a long time ago…

So there it is folks. The mystery of the ONE time the treadmill took advantage of my sickness, rejected my running efforts, spat me back out, and left me with my most embarrassing running story ever!

Hope you all enjoyed that because I’m NOT repeating it ever again! Consider it my Passover/Easter present. Have a great weekend everyone!

Reader Responses and Upcoming Races

I am not a selfish person, at least I like to pretend I’m not; which is why from time to time, I like to take the pulse of my readership, a poll if you will, just to hear what it is on their mind and what concerns them because ultimately what concerns them should be what concerns me.

I thought a lot about how this should be done. I could throw out a bunch of questions and ask for responses but then I remembered back to grade school when the teacher asked you to put you head down and throw up your hand to pick door monitor from the three kids standing in the front of the class and you’d cheat by sneaking a peek at who the cool kids were picking and so I’m thinking that wasn’t a very democratic process. Then I thought maybe I could just publish a poll and ask people to pick from a list of choices, but then again, I’d be limiting myself to the kind of responses I could get, so that wouldn’t solve my problem either. Eventually, I settled on this. Just throwing a list of 25 Random Running Facts about Me out into the blogosphere with no introduction or instructions and seeing what random feedback I’d get. I figured people would volunteer their opinions on the few things on that list that the was most personal, emotional, distressing, or poignant to them. (Oh, for you commenters: What?! You didn’t know you were part of my social experiments…woops, sorry! Thanks for playing!)

Now that it’s been about 48 hours, I’m ready to close the polls and count the votes…

In the end, thirteen people took the plunge and commented. The results are rather shocking and unexpected, at least to me. Out of the twenty five items that I’ve listed, only five items received more than a single comment. In 3rd place, with three comments, was item #10, which I thought would be the clear favorite coming in. In 2nd place, with four comments, was #14, which I’ll admit is kind of random and interesting, but the winner, with a whopping NINE comments, was item #20. Number 20? You mean to tell me, that out of a list of 25 running facts about me, some inspiring, some foolish, and some downright quirky, it is the absence of a 5K from my running resume’ that concerns all of you? Wow. That really wasn’t what I was expecting.

But, since I am a runner of the people, and must be accountable to all my readers, I’ve amended my list of upcoming races to include a 5K. If you take a look at the bottom right corner of the blog, you can see the list of races I’ve signed up for right up until the Boston Marathon. I’ll be running a variety of distances in order to explore different parts of my game. There’s a 10 miler, a 15K, a 10K, and yes, even a 5K for me to test the limits of my speed and the puke threshold. After all, that IS what you all want to see, isn’t it? (As an aside, I’m holding out hope that another half-marathon will just pop up locally in March so I can test out my marathon pacing strategy…if anyone knows anything, please let me know.)

Finally, for anyone who feels jealous and wants to challenge their own puke threshold in a 5K this weekend, there’s this going on…

Go sign up over at JogAmericaBlog! It’s virtual, it’s fun, it’s free, and it’s for a great cause. What more could you ask for? I’ll be doing mine as part of my long run tomorrow. My schedule is mocking me. It says 18 miles at a pace I don’t recognize. My legs might disagree since it bailed on me last time. We’ll see what happens.

In any case, have a great weekend, everyone. (And remember to run your 5K!)

Top Ten Lessons Learned From The Beijing Olympics

Now that the Olympics are over and I can stop mindlessly flipping channels at every hour of the day looking for inspiration from some obscure Olympic sport to rationalize not working for just a little while longer, it’s time to get up from the Lazy Chair, put down the remote, go out for a run (maybe?) and review what we all learned from the best two weeks of summer television.

Lession 1: Man versus Car. I thought my beating a cyclist up Harlem Hill a while back was impressive (to me at least). Then I saw Usain Bolt revving it up to 32 m.p.h. in the 100m final on his way to obliterating the field and winning the gold medal, which got me wondering…can he really outrace a car? Is that really possible? Then, I remembered, it’s Usain Bolt. He’s fast, he’s cocky, he’s young (just 21). With him, anything is possible!

Lesson 2: Older Means Faster. Like I mentioned in my last post, thirty is indeed the new twenty, or 35 is the new 25…at least if you’re female and an aspiring Olympian. Just ask Dara Torres, Constantina Tomescu, Deena Kastor, Paul Radcliffe, and a whole host of thirty- and forty-somethings who are running and swimming faster than girls half their age. Simply amazing!

Lesson 3: In Need Of A New Statistic. Maybe for the next Olympic Trials, the U.S.T.A.F. can use something other than the fastest finishing times when deciding who to invite to represent the US in the sprint relays in London 2012. Maybe for the next four years, they should keep a new stat on all the sprinters, called the baton passer rating, which similar to the quarterback passer rating in the NFL, incorporates velocity, accuracy, baton passing completion percentage, and the net result of each relay race into a single statistic that will allow each sprinter to be ranked individually in terms of their baton passing efficiency. I personally think that is the best way to prevent the baton dropping debacle that was the 4x100m relays for the U.S. Men and Women from ever happening again.

Lesson 4: Not A Woman Yet Not A Girl. Apparently, girls in China develop at a different rate than girls from any other country in the world, contrary to what we’ve always been taught in medical school. Here in the U.S., we consider girls who don’t show any secondary sexual characteristics by age 13 to have delayed puberty, a pathologic condition worthy of a full endocrine workup. In China however, apparently you can be sixteen, be so short you’d be the poster child for growth hormone deficiency, show no signs of puberty and still be considered absolutely normal, no questions asked. Unbelievable.

Lesson 5: Tall Guys Can Run. Yes, it is possible to be 6’5” and still run like a gazelle. Usain Bolt taught me that, contrary to what basketball centers in the NBA would have you believe…who knew?

Lesson 6: Humbled By Walker. Apparently, it is also possible for someone to walk faster than I run. Just ask Valerly Borchin of Russia, who won an Olympic gold medal in race walking this summer. He completed the 20K (12.4 mile) walk in 1:19:01, which equates to 6:22 per mile. By comparison, my 15K PR pace is 6:36 per mile. There was also a 50K (31 mile) race walk event, which was won by Alex Schwazer of Italy with a time of 3:37:09. This equates to a 7:00 min/mile pace. By comparison, I’ve never done a 31 mile run, and my PR pace for the marathon is only 7:11 min/mile. For someone who always associated walking with slowness of feet, I was embarrassed and truly humbled by these figures.

Lesson 7: Internationalism Trumps Nationalism. Although people all over the world from all walks of life gathered collectively to cheer on the representatives from their respective countries, so many athletes from these Olympics come from backgrounds that overlap nations and cultures that the games represented a celebration of internationalism more than a competition between the various nations. From Nastia Liukin, the gold medal winning all-around gymnast, whose parents were both former Soviet champion gymnasts, to Samuel Wanjiru, the winner of the Olympic marathon, who was born in Kenya, but learned to run and was coached in Japan, there were so many Olympians whose personal stories reached so widely across geographic barriers that to celebrate them as anything but international athletes would be wrong on so many levels.

Lesson 8: Olympics Fever. Yes, from now on, every four years, this term will be recognized as a true medical disease with universally recognized symptoms. Employers beware.

Lesson 9: World’s Greatest Athlete. It is amazing to me that despite proving that he can jump, throw, run, sprint and hurdle faster and better than anyone in the world so much so that he set an Olympic record by the widest margin of victory ever in the event, in a discipline where the winner was once celebrated as “The World’s Greatest Athlete, the name Bryan Clay, the gold medalist in the Olympic decathlon, got less mention from the media than human rights violations or the Tibetan controversy from the Chinese. This Hawaiian native led by so much after the ninth event that he jogged through the last race, the 1500m, finishing in dead last, and still set an Olympic record for the widest margin of victory. This guy is such a class act that he persuaded a fellow competitor not to drop out of the event before the 1500m race but rather that he’d jog with him to the finish if need be. So cool.

Lesson 10: Long Fingernails Wins Gold. After securing and studying the digitally enhanced replays from the men’s 100m butterfly race, I’m convinced that because Michael Phelps didn’t have time to cut and file his fingernails that day, the extra 2mm of armspan is what enabled him to outtouch Milorad Cavic by 0.01 seconds at the finish. NBC would have you believe that it was the extra half stroke Phelps took and Cavic didn’t that was the difference, but I knew it really had nothing to do with technique. He was just lucky his manicurist was late. I’m on to you, Phelps.

There you have it, my ten biggest lessons learned during these Olympics. Hope you all enjoyed the festivities as much as I did. Please feel free to comment and add your own favorite moments.

Funny Lance Commercials

In honor of the Tour de France, which according to cycling enthusiasts is the best sporting competition that no one is paying attention to, Marathon Sunday, which for me is now only 8 days away, and my new Flyer running buddy, JT, who is a big fan of both, I present to all my favorite Lance Armstrong commercial of all time…

Yes, Mr. Armstrong, I will be feeding my warrior 20lbs of carbs and protein every day before race day. So you think that will help me run a sub-3:00 marathon too?

And for those (aka, the smart ones) who are just starting out on their marathon training, this Lance commercial is kind of funny too.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Time To Celebrate: Results, Revelations, and Other Congratulatory Stuff

Hey All! I thought we’d start off today’s post with a little Kool & The Gang. Hit it Boys!

Kool & The Gang - Celebration
Uploaded by Kool-and-the-Gang

Welcome everyone to my party! Please feel free to grab your favorite beverage, get comfortable and be prepared to be enlightened and entertained. By now, you must be asking yourself, What’s the cause for all this hoop-la, Laminator? Well, let’s run through some possibilities…

1. Are we celebrating the fact that you ran and PR’d in the Long Branch Half Marathon last weekend? It’s a great achievement and all, but after dedicating two full posts to the race and receiving more congratulatory responses than I think I deserve, even the fat lady has sung and left the stage, so I think it’s time to move on.

2. Are we celebrating your fantastic run in the virtual 10K last night with a finishing time of 40:44? Hmmm, it’s a thought. But since my dear friend Nitmos has already cleared away the competition for me by using reverse psychology to convince everyone else that fat is good two days before the race [read his conniving plan here], and no one actually saw me cross the finish line except some electrons in a piece of plastic (referred to as Garmin in some eclectic circles), I feel slightly less deserving of any accolades that the friendly race director may bestow upon me.

3. Okay, then maybe we’re celebrating the fact that you finally found an elite running group (called the New York Flyers – what a cool name, huh?!) that had such low standards to accept you as one of its members. Now you’re getting warm. I will have more to say about this in a later post, but it’s refreshing to find that an organized running group in NYC where running fast is the norm more than an anomaly, thinks I don’t suck so bad as a runner to welcome me into its ranks. Maybe we can have a party to celebrate this achievement when I’ve actually contributed something to this collection of great runners. To start whooping and hollering a week into trial membership is a little too premature. Maybe they’ll kick me out once they discover that I have major stage fright at big races.

4. Maybe it’s for a non-running related reason then? We could celebrate the fact that you passed your final board exam (referred to in this post) and can now pass as a Board Certified Pediatric Endocrinologist (minus the whole crazy running thing because no board certified anything would in their right mind run as much as you do). Yeah, I guess we could have a party for that, but it’s more like a release of unnecessary stress than a cause of celebration for me because after all the training I’ve been through, I’m SUPPOSED to pass my boards. If I don’t pass, then what they’re essentially saying is that you’re just too dumb and shouldn’t be in this profession in the first place. So, no, can’t bring myself to celebrate that. Maybe I’ll get a Jumba Juice milkshake, but that’s about it.

Okay, we officially give up, Laminator. Besides, half your guests are already gone. So what the heck are we celebrating?

We’re HAVING A PARTY (could’ve posted another video here) because THIS (drumrolls please…) IS (drumrolls getting louder) MY (confetti coming down…wait, that’s tissue paper, not confetti…) 100TH POST!!! That’s right, people. You’ve made it to the 100th post of this silly little reformation project. It’s been a long time coming, and I can’t believe that I’ve got readers even though I don’t proofread half as well as I write, and I don’t write half as well as I run, and I run, well, not that particularly well at all. (Don’t complain, some freak of nature 49-year-old beat me in the half marathon by more than two and a half minutes!) Still, I’m honored to have so much company on my journey. Thanks everyone for taking the time to come by to read my ill-formed thoughts, laugh at my jokes, poke fun at my insecurities, and generally convince me I’m fast even though I’m not. I started this thing way back in August of last year, on my 32nd birthday, as a reminder to myself why I have to go out there everyday even when I don’t feel like it. Slowly, over the past 100 posts, it has evolved into something so much more, a conversation between like-minded friends, sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes funny, and sometimes sad (I know it’s corny…but it’s true). I’m grateful to have “virtually” met so many of you runners out there, who inspire and challenge me to be better than what I thought I was capable of. And to the lurkers of my blog out there who’ve chosen to remain invisible (including some guy from Japan who’s been visiting everyday since this blog has started) I just have one thing to say...Don’t trespass if you ain’t gonna help mow the grass! Yes, you heard right. Consider yourselves warned.

As for the rest of you, who I honestly don't know why you keep coming back, I have a little present for everyone in the form of some self-revelation. Ever since you started visiting, I know there’s been something that you’ve always wondered about, at one time or another, but were afraid to ask. Now to think of it, Vanilla over at Half-Fast might have verbalized it way back when, but truth be told, who listens to that guy anyways? So now I guess it’s as good a time as any to spill the beans. What’s up with your nickname, Laminator? Is your family in the stationery business? Do you have some weird fetish involving heat and machines that maybe we shouldn't know about?

Do not be led astray, my friends. The story of how I became known as the Laminator actually started a few years back in my pediatric residency. A little known fact about me (something I’m not very proud of even though others think I should be) is that I write with pristine penmanship. The reason that is is because when I was a little kid in the early years of elementary school, I wrote my letters so slanted and in such unrecognizable fashion that my teachers would always give me the minimum passing grade whenever we had a writing assignment because no one could actually figure out what it was that I was writing. As a result, over the summer between my third and fourth grade, I was forced by my parents to practice my penmanship by writing out the alphabets for an hour a day everyday for two months. They’d review my work at the end of each session and rip up the pages and make me redo them if they were in the least bit illegitable. After that exercise, I never had a problem with my penmanship ever again.

Over the years, my penmanship has improved to the point that everyone who’s ever seen me on paper always claim that I write better than anyone they know – male or female. Again, it is a reputation that I’m not so proud of because as a doctor, messy handwritten notes and illegitable prescriptions are associated with a certain prestige and class. I’ve tried on multiple occasions in the past to “mess up” my handwriting such to fool those who’d read my notes, but even with that, everyone always knew it was me because they say that even when I write messy, I’m so damn neat about it. Let me tell you people. It is very frustrating as all bloody hell!

So, the origin of my nickname traces back to one day in the hospital when all of us residents were sitting around a table writing notes on our patients. One of my colleagues notices an error on one of the notes that I had written the previous day. “Hey L-, you need to fix this. You wrote down the wrong medication in your note. The kid got Ceftazadime yesterday, not Ceftriaxone.” “So just cross it out and put the right one in,” I told her. “No, I can’t do that.” “Why not?” “Well, for one thing, it’s YOUR note, so YOU need to fix it. Secondly, you write so neat that my chicken-scratch sticks out like a sore thumb.” Someone else then chimed in. “Seriously, L-, your notes are so perfect that they should be laminated…” And that, my friends, is how the legend of the Laminator began. That, and because my last name is Lam, makes my nickname somewhat appropriate, I guess.

There you go. I hope you enjoyed the story because I am not ever going to repeat it again. (It’s funny how many friends I have who call me by that name without knowing exactly where it came from!) Thanks again for stopping by and celebrating with me!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In other news, I ran my 10K yesterday for Nancy’s Virtual Club Run. I pushed it hard, but not so hard because I was still a little tired from my half-marathon last Sunday. I ran the big loop at Central Park and extended it a little bit to cover the distance. I once again started out too fast and let the rolling hills club me silly! Here were my splits: Mile 1 – 6:02; Mile 2 - 6:34; Mile 3 – 6:45; Mile 4 – 6:36; Mile 5 – 6:43; Mile 6 – 6:43; Last 0.2 – 1.20; Final Time – 40:44 (6:33 min/pace). Can you guess which mile time doesn’t belong (…in other words, Where’s Waldo?) I feel good about my time since I was running all by myself and still finished only 17 seconds slower than my PR. I didn’t see too much out of the ordinary out on the course today, just some guy I overheard ask his friend if he was running 6 minute miles when he was running more like 8 minute miles, and a wheelchair athlete who got squeezed and almost flew over the curb when a car and a bike were passing by him at the same time. Like I said, it was just a pretty ordinary day in the neighborhood.

I listened to Jeff and Alan’s recap of the Flying Pig Marathon as I ran this race and enjoyed every minute of it. I can’t believe they had a three-alarm fire the morning of the race and had to reroute the runners. Gosh, everyone knows how tough the last 0.2 of 26.2 is. Imagine having to do ANOTHER 0.2 on top of that?

Much thanks to our awesome virtual race director, Nancy, for galvanizing this running community and organizing yet another amazing race! Hope everyone had nice weather and a nice course for their 10K. I’m looking forward to reading everyone else’s race reports.

Why I Should Have Been Named in the Mitchell Report

Before going forward, understand that this is NOT a running-related post, although it’s sports-related, unless you consider things I think about while running which has nothing to do with running running-related…if that’s the case, then you need to head out the door and go running yourself so you can come up with your own things to think about, like what all the random numbers on top of the Circuit City at Union Square actually mean or how our much maligned NBA basketball team, the New York Knickerbockers got its name. (I hope you weren’t expecting me to answer any of that…but drop me a line if you really want to know and I’ll see what I can do.) Anyway, you’ve been forewarned.

On December 13th 2007, in the midst of a Northeastern storm in the local area, the Mitchell Report was released. For those of you who were living under a rock for the past few days, are living in a foreign country or a foreign planet, or just don’t follow sports in general or baseball specifically (have I missed anyone?), the Mitchell Report was the result of an investigation untaken by former Senate majority leader George Mitchell into the use of performance-enhancing substances (namely anabolic steroids and hGH, or human growth hormone) in Major League Baseball. All together, 88 players were named in this report as having used one of these substances at one time or another during their career. Among them were some major perennial All-Stars like Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte, Miguel Tejeda, Jason Giambi, and Eric Gagne, just to name a few. And as I have spent the majority of my weekend reading the 409 page report, listening to lawyers and baseball writers discuss the legal ramifications of this document, and watching the named players one-by-one either admit or deny these allegations, I am left with only one sentiment.

I am saddened, no, angered, no, downright insulted by this report. I am that way not because the Mitchell Report threatens the integrity of the game; no, I’m not much worried about that because come Opening Day, I, along with 50,000 of my neighbors will still be at Shea to cheer for our Mets. After all, we’re baseball fans, and it takes much more than some congressional report on some allegations of steroid use made by an ex-trainer on the team to keep us away from the game we love. It’s not even that I am forced by this report to reevaluate my love and admiration for players old and new that I have grown up with. I am hopping mad today because the Mitchell Report is grossly incomplete. It is missing the accounts of the one person who knew the most about hGH, androstenedione, and testosterone; the one who’ve spent countless days and nights in the laboratory perfecting the purification technique for all these hormones, and the one who had the connections and the means for the distribution and administration of these substances. That person might even have been subject 0, the one who lit the spark that started the fire. I don’t like to brag, folks, but that person they’re missing is me.

“Why you Laminator?” you may ask. “What have you done to deserve a mention?” Well, under the pretenses of a crock medical degree and fellowship training at an institution you might have never heard off, I have used, abused, modified, designed, purified, isolated, sniffed, and otherwise played with all of these “performance enhancing substances” during the past four years. Okay, granted, most of this work was done only for bench research and was injected only into mice and rats in carefully designed and control experiments, but that’s beside the point. In addition, I’ve written more than a hundred prescriptions for hGH for short stature, testosterone and “The Clear” to increase willie size (yes that willie) and DHEA to help grow out bush hair, and I’m sure more than a few of those might have fallen into the wrong hands and ended up in the bodies of some of those people who were actually named in the report. Okay, it’s not likely because the prescriptions for controlled substances, which all of those are, require certificates of authenticity and are carefully monitored and tracked which means I’d be in deep do-do if any ever gets lost, but it is at least possible, and so should be thoroughly investigated.

Yet, there’s a third reason why my name should have been included in that report. Consider these numbers:

2005 – Miles Ran: 419; Half Marathon – 1:40:26; Marathon – 3:26:42

2006 – Miles Ran: 545; Half Marathon – 1:35:59; Marathon – 3:11:33

2007 – Miles Ran: 963; Half Marathon – 1:28:06; Marathon – 3:08:18

In case you haven’t figured it out, those are my running stats for the past three years, and clearly you can see a dramatic improvement in both times and distances over the past two years. Conventional wisdom says I’ve just been running more and training harder, but isn’t it just a little suspicious how the miles have doubled since 2005 and all my race times have increased by more than 10 minutes in the interim at a time when my body is supposed to be breaking down and not functioning as well as it used to. In my estimation, my rate of performance enhancement makes the pre- and post- BALCO Barry Bonds numbers look rather putrid in comparison. (It’s not his fault though, he just didn’t know how to use ‘em right.) How come I didn’t get investigated and invited to speak with Senator Mitchell? Instead he asks some ex-clubhouse employee (Kirk Radomski) and a former Yankees personal trainer (Brian McNamee) for information in exchange for immunity. I think I could have been enveloped in a shroud of controversy and yet still make a more credible witness than either of those bums.

“But he’s not interesting in running, only baseball.” You might argue. Well, if he’d ask me, and offered me a chance to speak, without the risk of future litigation or prosecution, I’d tell him how running might have been just a front I use to distribute my goodies amongst the constituents, or how when I go to the ballpark, I might actually enter via a separate gate for MDs that gives me exclusive access to the trainers and bat boys who sees to it that the candies goes to those who have a sweet tooth. It was all a carefully designed, well-orchestrated process that the rest of the world now won’t get to see because Senator Mitchell didn’t bother to ask me to participate in his investigation. His lack of judgment is a shame honestly because I would’ve done just about anything and told him everything to clean up the game I loved as a kid growing up. All I’m saying is, he should’ve asked.

I’m so angry right now that I ought to write a letter to Congress to complain. No, better yet, maybe I should just do what O.J. did and write a book, “If I Were To Be A hGH Distributor…”

Top Ten Signs You Won’t Win The New York City Marathon

I thought I was done pontificating on NYCM, but have people seen this video yet? If not, you have to watch it. It is too damn funny. Go ahead, I’ll wait…I know it takes a little while to buffer and there’s a 30 second commercial beforehand that’s kind of annoying, but it’s so worth it, trust me.

Anyway, my friend sent me a link to it this morning and I mistakenly watched it during lunch while drinking a can of Diet Coke. Right off the bat, #10 was so funny, I snarfed and had soda come right out of my nose. Suddenly all eyes were on me as I couldn’t stop myself from laughing hysterically. It was all sort of embarrassing, but I didn’t care. I hadn’t laughed so hard since grade school. Afterward, everyone was gathered around my office curious to know what had me giggling like a school girl. I declined to comment though, knowing that all of these non-runners would just never find it as funny as I did.

After the exhilaration, it was hard to concentrate on work for the rest of the day. Instead, I kept thinking of sights and sounds from my own running of NYCM that I could add to make Dave’s list more complete. Here’re my contributions:

10a. You trip on your own laces running to the start line. (Yeah, that’s me!)

9a. You “warm up” for the race by smoking a cigarette. (Saw this one up close!)

8a. After a blistering first mile, you find yourself right next to Katie Holmes.(For my aunts!)

7a. Instead of a bunch of guys speaking in languages you don’t understand, you’re being paced by this guy. (Thanks tkujimmylee for the photo!)

6a. You’ve been tapering since last year. (One friend’s excuse for not running!)

5a. You hit the top of the Verranzo and ask “Where’s the free food?” (Heard this one too!)

4a. Instead of this, your running mantra is “Please God, oh please, don’t let me walk at mile 21…” (Thanks again to tkujimmylee).

3a. You’ve hit the Wall before the race even starts.

2a. You carbo load by getting a Big Mac and fries…Supersized!

1a. You have pristine toenails. (Kind of lame…just like all of Dave’s No.1s)

Anyone else like to add to this list, please help yourself to the comments. As for me, I still can’t help smirking at Dave’s #10.

Top 10 Things I Absolutely Will NOT Miss About Marathon Training

After reading all the inspiring stories I can remember, hearing all the motivational tips I can keep straight in my head, and watching the captivating transformation of ordinary people to marathoners in “The Nova Marathon Challenge” tonight (which was BTW very informative for nonrunners and somewhat educational and inspiring for the rest of us), I thought it’d be fun to take a break, throw a curveball, and come up with a list of things that I will NOT miss after Sunday…(that is, of course, until when training begins for the next marathon!)

1. The weekly trips to the laundromat.
2. Waiting for the wee hours to go so your neighbors won’t find out about the stench that is your running clothes.
3. Being dubbed “The Pooping Laminator” by your friends for always being the first to leave at all the late night parties.
4. And heading out the door for long runs even before they’ve even made it home.
5. Weighing less than the anorexic girl at the office who eats a piece of lettuce each day for lunch.
6. Forgetting what beer and alcohol taste like.
7. Buying shoes other than running shoes when I go shopping.
8. Not finishing every other excuse with “’cause I have to go running…”
9. Craving gel packs when I’m working past noon.
10. Comparing all the girls I see to all the girls I see while running (Not fair, I know…girls who run are way hotter!)

Any more? Suggestions? Send them my way. I’m planning to use this list as motivation to get to the finish line as quickly as possible. Gosh, can’t believe it’s only 4 days away…

Prepping For The Day After

A bunch of people I know are going to be running the Chicago Marathon this weekend. As they're all double-checking last minute details, anxiously awaiting what should be a beautiful race day, I want to offer my own personal benediction for their running success in the form of this video so they know what to expect the day after. Just wanted to make sure all the runners are adequately prepped. After you watch this video, then you'll be ready to run. (For all of you running with me in New York next month, consider it a preview.)

Good luck to all in your races. May you all run like the wind and have a strong finish!

The Budweiser Hot Seat

Now for a moment of levity…

ESPN Announcer Guy: Fresh from his monumental race over the weekend, where he ran a 1:28:06 and claimed yet another PR at the Queens Half-Marathon, The Running Laminator is joining us in the studio today, and just for fun, we’re putting him on the Budweiser Hot Seat. Are you ready for us, Laminator?

L – Ready when you are, Mr. Announcer Guy.

A – Okay. So how’s it feel being the newest member of the sub-1:30 half marathon club?

L – It feels fantastic and it feels great. But what’s more important is that I’m able to share this with the running community. Someone somewhere is using my story as an excuse to train harder and run faster. Wow, that sounds cool. Need to copyright that for my next book.

A – What would you say was your biggest obstacle during the race? Was it the sun, the crowd, the dehydration, or the early start time?

L – Nah, for me, it was none of that. I was probably my own biggest obstacle throughout the entire run because my mind kept telling me I was running too fast and I couldn’t keep it up. But I just kept focusing on my breathing and my legs moving at a good pace and telling myself to shut up with the negativity. I think I gave the runners around me quite a scare when the actual words slipped out of my mouth at one point.

A – Explain to us what happened at mile 8?

L – I’m not really sure to tell you the truth. One minute I’m running well, looking for a good approach to the water station ahead of me, the next minute, I’m sprawl out across the road. How embarrassing. Man, I’m telling you, that speed bump came out of nowhere. I’m lucky no one tripped on top of me, that would’ve been a disaster.

A – Yet you still manage to recover with no injuries and set a PR for the race, truly amazing. How’d you do it?

L – I’m telling you, it was just total focus and determination. But I can’t lie, I got a little incentive from the lady with the fine legs I saw running at a fast pace in front of me around mile 7-8. I tried hard the rest of the way not to die down but keep her within my sights for the rest of the run. I knew if I did that I’d end up running a good race.

A – So the truth comes out. Well, did you at least talk to her to thank her for being your rabbit?

L – I did…I mean I wanted to. But by the time I crossed the finish line, caught my breath, and took a drink of water, she was already on her way up to the podium to receive an award of some sort.

A – I see. So does that not taint your PR in some way. After all, if she wasn’t there to lead the way, maybe you would’ve finished 1:38 instead of 1:28?

L – So…so what? I’m sure even if she wasn’t there to hold my attention; I’d find some other person or some other way to keep my mind occupied. Besides, who’s to say someone behind me didn’t use my fine body to motivate for a PR?

A – Somehow I highly doubt that. So now that you’ve achieved the unthinkable, what’s next for you?

L – Well, I’m resting for a bit, and then I think I’m going to chase down Lance Armstrong and his Hype Mobile at the New York City Marathon in a couple of months.

A – What do you think he’s going to run at this year’s NYCM?

L – I’m not sure. It’s hard to say, but probably 2:35-2:45, somewhere in that range.

A – And you think you could keep up with that? What are you going to do if you do catch up to him?

L - I’m going to flick his ears or pull his shorts down. At the very least, I’ll ask to borrow a GU pack or a Gatorade bottle from his refreshment truck. Think he’ll like that?

A – Whatever makes you run fast, Mr. Laminator. Thank you for coming on the show. You are now officially off the Budweiser Hot Seat.

A Special Press Conference

Announcer Guy - We break from our regularly scheduled programming here at ESPN to bring you this special press conference from somewhere on the UpperEast Side of Manhattan in New York City, where our very own SS is standing by…S, what can you tell us?

SS – Hi everyone, I’m standing here on the Upper East Side right outside the apartment of marathon runner, The Running Laminator, who’s called this press conference to make a special announcement. We go live to the podium…

L – Thank you all for coming out. I see only ESPN has sent a crew to cover this momentus occasion, but that’s alright. You’re the only ones who matter anyway. I would like to take this opportunity to nominate myself for the ESPY in the category of “Comeback Player of the Year.” You will hear more from me in the upcoming months as I prepare to run the New York City Marathon. Thank you very much. (SS raises hand) Questions from the audience?

SS – Yes, Mr. Laminator, you do realize we already have some outstanding candidates vying for the award, like Rick Ankiel, who last we saw as a pitcher couldn’t hit the ocean with his fastball if he was standing next to it but is now somehow reinvented himself as a outfielder and hitting home runs to lead the Cardinals in a miraculous late season push for the playoffs and Alex Rodriguez, who’s leading the world in homers a year after he was almost booed off the team in the Bronx, just to name a couple. What makes you think you’re deserving of the award?

L – Well, after setting a personal best at the Fairfield Half Marathon two months ago with a time of 1:31:56, placing me in the top 6% of all runners in the event, I was considered by the running community to be heavily favored to break the 3:10 hurdle at the NYC Marathon and qualify for the Boston Marathon. But because of some health concerns and personal issues, I was not able to finish any of the last two 16 mile training runs, and my goal to run in the marathon at all was being seriously jeopardized. Some of my running colleagues even suggested I skip it altogether because I was falling so far behind on my training schedule. But I’m here to announce to the world that I’m back. I just ran 16 miles around Central Park in good time with no pain. I could’ve even ran it a bit faster, but didn’t want to make all the other park runners jealous, so I took it easy and enjoyed the scenery. But at any rate, just wanted to tell all the viewers to hop back on the bandwagon, ‘cause NYC in November is looking mighty fine again. That’s why I think I deserve the award.

SS – I see. And to what do you attribute your new found success?

L – First, I want to thank my feet for being so great…and then I want to thank my running mates for helping me through the tough miles.

SS – And by running mates, you mean Renny and Marc?

L – Yeah, them too. But I’m really talking about my New Balance 857s. It’s the shoes, man. You know what I’m saying. It’s gotta be the shoes. A runner’s nothing without his shoes.

SS – Well there you have it. Live from the Upper East Side, where The Running Laminator’s just thrown his own name into the hat for “Comeback Player of the Year.” I don’t think that’s ever been done before in the entire history of the award. But if he does what he promises and runs the New York City Marathon in record time, we just might have to ask the selection committee to make an exception. Back to you in the studio.