Thursday, December 18, 2008

All I Want For Christmas

So yes, for all those who wanted to know, I FINALLY started my Christmas shopping this week (because honestly I have no excuse now that I’ve let the cat out of the bag in my last post.) But let me tell you all, as I’ve been running all over town this week, picking up this thing from this store and plucking that thing from another, traveling up the East Side and down the West, staring at all the same holiday displays at all the shop windows until I’m ready to deck someone’s halls and call it my folly, all I could keep thinking about is what I’d really want for Christmas. So just in case Santa asks any of you before he gets to me, and because I’ve really been a good boy this year (just check out my PRs!) this is my ONLY request this Christmas…you ready?

Okay…again if Santa asks…What I really want, more than any thing, under my Christmas tree (even though I don’t have one) on Dec 25th…maybe technically the 24th…is…get this…a REAL-LIFE FACILATATOR SIMULATOR TREADMILL (RLFST). What is RLFST? You (or Santa) might ask? Other than a short acronym for REAL FAST, it is for all intents and purposes, a treadmill. But not just any old treadmill, no siree, it’s one with the following built- in features:

  • More than one running lane so as to allow others some maneuverability or some companionship
  • Instead of a smooth boring slab of rubber, it will have customizable terrain like asphalt, grass, dirt, sand, and the like, to simulate real-life training
  • It will also have obstacles, like potholes, cracks, dog dung, and the like which will force you to pay attention to the road and dodge to the other running lane to avoid disasters
  • The running lanes can be cambered…higher in the middle, lower to the side to simulate street running
  • Instead of a tv screen or windows looking out on the street, the treadmill will be in a self-contained video room which will simulcast the Boston Marathon course or a serene beach trail in front of me as I’m running.
  • The simulcast video is synchronized to my stride and pace
  • Temperature and humidity in RLFST is customizable to my training objectives and preferences…maybe even a fan for wind
  • There's an attached sprinkler and precipitation maker above the RLFST to adjust for rain, snow, sleet, hail…to create whatever weather pattern I choose to train in.
  • Every couple of miles or so, there's a motor arm on the side of RLFST that hands out Gatorade in a disposable cup so you can perfect the technique of grabbing, pinching and drinking on the run.
  • Oh and finally, the RLFST is completely idiot-proof! No instructions…just like an iPhone.

Yep, so if Santa asks, I’d like one of those…RLFST…the best treadmill ever! If he doesn't drop by, someone please drop him a note. Thanks. Hope you’re all enjoying the final preparation for the holidays!

16 comments:

Frayed Laces said...

you are so weird. Open your door, my friend. Open your door.

J said...

haha you are crazy! DO you know how big that treadmill would have to be?? lol

Cowboy Hazel said...

I got one of those last year. It was great for a couple weeks but then I got bored with it and went back to running along the East River. :-)

D10 said...

Glad you are getting your shopping done. Let us know if Santa brings you your gift!

The Laminator said...

Unforuntately, F.L., we don't all live in sunny Hawaii...But with my RLFST, I can pretend that I do.

Xenia said...

I still agree with FL. :)

*aron* said...

haha thats hilarious... i am sure there are quite a few others who will ask for one too :)

The Happy Runner said...

Ha ha! Too funny. That would be one honking treadmill.

Nitmos said...

There is such a thing? It's a Christmas miracle!

joyRuN said...

Oh, is that all?

Geez - doesn't take much to make you happy, does it?

LOL! Good luck with that!

Julianne said...

I was wondering what a RLFST treadmill was! LOL!! You think they make them in different colors? Can I get one in pink???

Running and living said...

Oh, with this type of treadmill I'd miss seeing fellow runners on the streets....Ana-Maria

ECrunnergirl said...

And I would put that thing right next to my bed so that as soon as I roll out after the alarm goes off, Im up and running!

I want one too Santa!!!

Andrew is getting fit said...

The world is your treadmill my friend.

Run For Life said...

Now THAT would be sweet. Have Santa send one my way as well!

Meg said...

Best present ever?!

 
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