Thursday, April 15, 2010

Top Ten Reasons Why I'm NOT Running the Boston Marathon

Contrary to popular belief, running isn't a common subject of conversation around the workplace. For one, very few of my colleagues run. Those that do are in it more for fitness and weight control than as a way to test physical limits. For another, since I deal mostly with obese kids and teens throughout the day, most of my patients and their families would probably define marathon as a long drawn-out movie or TV show. So imagine my surprise when this morning, in the middle of a highly stimulating and intellectual Grand Rounds presentation on the genetics of autism, a colleague that I didn't know well suddenly turns to me and whispers "Hey, aren't you running Boston next week?"
"Uh...no!" I whispered back.
"Oh, why?" He continues, with a surprised wrinkle on his face.
Before I could think of a suitable explanation, someone in back shushes us, bringing about an abrupt end to the conversation.

I didn't think too much of the previous interaction until it repeated itself again a few hours later. This time it's one o'clock and I am in a jam-packed elevator with patients, nurses and doctors all waiting to go on a lunch break. In between floors, one of the doctors in another department who I didn't know but obviously knew me asked loud enough for all to hear "So you're going up to Boston this weekend for the big race?"
"Not really. I'm not running Boston this year." I said.
"Really? That's sad. Why not?"
"C'mon dude. You seriously want me to hit the emergency brake and give you my exhaustive list of reasons for why I'm not running Boston this year. You really want to know that badly?" That's what I should have said. Instead, my mind drew a blank and I gave a lame-ass excuse that I'm running a marathon next month instead. The doors opened, he left and I felt like an invisible jackass the rest of the day.

Seriously, I had no idea so many people around the hospital had such a vested interest on my not running the Boston Marathon next Monday. Maybe I missed a memo. If I did, I would have taken my time, drafted a suitable response and printed them out as flyers to hand out to all the department heads. In actuality, it would have looked a little something like this:

Top Ten Reasons Why I'm NOT Running the Boston Marathon
10. Because I haven't any practice chugging beer at mile 20 on any of my 22 mile long runs
9. Because some Red Sox fan might want Buckner's ball back and kidnap a Mets fan for ransom.
8. Because I'm waiting on my Queens homie, Kara Goucher, to make a triumphant return. (Both of us ran our best times in NYCM '08, and Boston '09. Just sayin')
7. Because you gotta fall in love before you experience Heartbreak again.
6. Because last year's celebration jacket is way cooler.
5. Because I'm boycotting this race on behalf of all my friends who qualified late and got shut out of registration. (So completely unfair!)
4. Because running a marathon PR in Boston (and not NY) would cause my brother (a Yankees fan) to completely disown me.
3. Because running two Bostons instead of just one might give me a swell head.
2. Because I haven't yet forgotten how much the Newton Hills suck!
1. Because it's not New York!

Best of Luck to everyone who IS running Boston next week. May you all have great weather, awesome races, and very speedy times! I'll be cheering you on virtually with a simulcast of the race in the background in between patients. Have fun out there! Rock on Boston Marathoners!

20 comments:

Julie said...

Oh my God Lam, you crack me up:) I love it that you have a funny side too!! Everyone knows that you are an awesome runner and probably just figured you would be running Boston:) You should be flattered!! Woo hoo, tomorrow is Friday...have a fabulous weekend!

Michelle said...

I like #7!!!!

aron said...

haha love it!! LOVE number 5 :) thank you for that. plus 2011 is going to be way better anyways right? YOU ARE GOING THEN RIGHT? ;)

Betsy said...

Really, if Kara's not going to be there, I don't see why you should bother.

Donna said...

I hear Letterman, and see a t-shirt. Props to New York!

kevin f forde said...

Lam,
love the Top Ten awesome stuff!
I can identify w/ the situation,people in the hospital know I run and know I used to run marathons/road races....even though 06 was my last year b4 committing to track,three times a year I get asked the following:
Did you run Broad St? are you running PDR? are you doing the Philly Marathon?
Just beacause we run doesn't mean we run every marathon/road race and leave it to non runners to make a big deal out of it.
A personal favourite of mine back in 03 after Chicago I got asked why I wasn't running New York some three weeks later....now THAT was a Top Ten list.........

pen said...

AH! Thanks for the #5! ANd I agree with Aron, 2011 is going to be way better! :)

Jamie said...

Great list! I think you should make it into a t-shirt and wear it around the hospital on Monday :)

marathonmaiden said...

hahah great list. you should print it on fliers and put 'em up all around the hospital. thanks, too, for the encouragement for my boston endeavor on monday :)

Brandon Wood said...

We'll work on your beer chugging after Ironman Louisville.

Running and living said...

Funny!
Honestly, I am running Boston mostly bc it is in my backyard! And thanks for reminding me of the pain at HH:)

Her Name is Rio said...

Great reasons!

Lisa said...

You're obviously more well known around the hospital than you knew!

I am not running Boston on Monday because (1) my foot will never heel, and (2) I could never be that fast. Pure and simple! I'm okay with it!

Love your list!

Marathon Maritza said...

I like #5 best!

And also, now what about all the people in the UK who won't even be able to fly out here for it! NUTS!

#1 also rocks...I'll be there for the NYCM 2011.

carpeviam said...

Love #7. #2, also.

You don't owe anyone an explanation. The truth is, you can run Boston whenever you want, you're just choosing to give someone else a chance this year.
;)

Scott Brown said...

That New York Boston rivalry is the best! A never ending source of jokes too. I know you know you're lucky to have it.

X-Country2 said...

Great list. You'll rock it next month FO SHOW!

JohnnyGo said...

Wait, there are hills in Newton??!!!

runner26 said...

you are too funny!! i have to admit, i wondered the same thing (and probably asked you during one of our short runs together). i would consider it a compliment that people question you about boston--no one ever asks me why i'm not running it cuz they just know.
anyway, you picked a good spring marathon and i can't wait to buy you the celebratory beer i will owe you ;)

misszippy said...

Yeah, I'm a number 5--got shut out this year, although all winter I was happy about that when faced with the prospect of running 20-milers in the blizzards.

 
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