Okay, I guess it's time for me to fess up. Sorry for the lack of blog updates recently. Between difficult patients, people problems, and a torrential rainstorm that literally ruined my weekend, it has just been a rough week for me to say the least. Deadlines and other obligations kind of snug up on me and it was all I could do just to manage to stay afloat. I wish someone would grant me the superpower to freeze time or at the very least add a couple more hours to the day so I can attend to all the work and responsibilities that requires my attention in a given day. I want to be the Japanese character in Heroes who can manipulate the time space continuum with his mind, or Clark Kent who can use superman powers to work ten times faster than anyone else. Heck, I'll even settle for the super intelligent but super annoying House who always manages to break the first law of the Hippocratic Oath to do no wrong but somehow always finds out the right answer. I secretly admire and envy all these people.
But unlike any of these TV characters who have physical and/or mental attributes that far surpass my own, I am a runner. And as a runner, I can usually deal with work problems and deal with social stresses by finding purpose in my runs. Lately though this has not been the case. During this past week, I've been feeling very unmotivated and uninspired to train hard for my goal marathon. I don't know why. Don't get me wrong, I'm still running like a headless chicken through the streets and parks of Queens, frightening the neighbors who never ceases to stop and stare in amazement. In fact this week, I posted 57 miles, my highest mileage since the dog days of last summer. I completed a tempo 7 miler, a hill workout, a twenty miler, and a twelve miler in the rain at a ridiculous 7:03 min/mi pace. The trouble though is that it's becoming more of a hassle to run so fast and long, and I'm not even sure I see the point anymore. Is the point really to run a sub-3 and not run marathons anymore? Or is it a personal validation of my status as a good runner and nothing more? Does it really matter what I run in the marathon anyway, or is it more about an expression of my selfish pride? If the only person I'm inspiring is me, myself, and I, then I'm not sure I can justify all this effort I'm putting forth. I rather run fewer miles, have less lofty goals, and attend to all the other responsibilities that I'm neglecting because I'm out there training so much.
After all, what is the point of always thinking about running when I'm dealing with patients yet be constantly thinking about patients when I'm outside running? Am I right? I speak for myself when I say that running should remain a sport and not become a lifestyle, like it has for me for so long. It's just that sometimes it's hard for me to separate the forest from the trees. I guess I just have to be more vigilant about it now in order to find a happier medium between the extremes.
What about you guys? If you had to choose, would you designate running for yourself as a sport/hobby or a lifestyle? I'm curious to know.